WHAT do laser cats, a pair of jorts (jean shorts) gifted from above and a very sad French man have in common?
Normally, absolutely nothing.
But in the second week of May, the 2024 Eurovision Song Contest (ESC) brought those three, and much more, together for what is arguably the best time of year.
And what does ESC have to do with Gawler? Again, absolutely nothing.
Yet the local paper does occasionally need a little bit of levity in the form of a completely arbitrary and very biased opinion from someone who realistically has no credentials on the topic.
Naturally, being musically illiterate and the textbook definition of tone deaf, I consider myself an authority on ESC and that my opinion is entirely correct when it comes to who should have won.
The elephant in the room, without being accused of patriotism, is the internationally televised robbery of a spot in the grand final for South Australia’s representatives, Electric Fields.
Our entry (they are close enough for Gawler to claim, surely) got the crowd up and about, and was frankly one of few highlights on a relatively disappointing opening night.
We lost a spot to an Irish ballet exorcism, for crying out loud.
But no matter, what is done is done, and I will only continue to complain about the injustice for the next 11 months or so.
Perhaps even more galling was, for the second year in a row, my favourite entrant in the contest finished second despite winning the public vote by a landslide.
Croatia’s entry of ‘Rim Tim Tagi Dim’ by Baby Lasagna was, to me, the best song by a country mile and deserved the top prize.
Clearly Europe has a personal vendetta against me and loves to see me pull my hair out watching the jury votes slowly overtake the best song.
Having said that, for perhaps the second time in 10 years, I did not actually hate the winning song.
Switzerland’s ‘The Code’ by Nemo had some excellent staging and was an interesting mix of operatic rap, of all things.
It might not have featured in my personal top five, but it was definitely worth an honourable mention.
Otherwise, purely for being the most Eurovision song of the contest, Finland’s entry ‘No Rules!’ by Windows95Man deserved much higher praise.
Nothing says classic Euro-trash pop like a strange, half naked Finnish man bursting from a denim egg and waltzing around the stage before eventually being gifted jorts from the heavens.
This year’s contest was also fraught with controversy, and without going into tense political situations overseas, I was also very disappointed to hear The Netherlands was disqualified hours out from the final.
The Dutch entrant, Joost with his song ‘Europapa’, is currently being investigated for inappropriate conduct towards an ESC crew member backstage.
I will not comment on that decision as it is pending investigation and backs up ESC’s zero-tolerance policy.
I will just express my disappointment I did not get to see ‘Europapa’ again because it was a lot of fun on stage and a close second to Finland in terms of being “the most Eurovision”.
Regardless, it is over, and I once again have 11 months of being mildly irritated whenever I think of the results before daring to dream again some three weeks before ESC 2025.
AIDAN’S (CORRECT) TOP FIVE:
‘Rim Tim Tagi Dim’, Baby Lasagna – Croatia (Gawler North)
‘Mon amour’, Slimane – France (Gawler North)
‘Europapa’, Joost – Netherlands (Gawler North)
‘No Rules!’, Windows95Man – Finland (Gawler North)
‘One Milkali (One Blood)’, Electric Fields – Australia.
The Bunyip acknowledges these are all personal opinions and should be taken with more than a grain of salt.
