A Victorian woman who fled to Gawler with her four children 18 months ago to escape domestic violence by the hands of her husband has bravely shared her story in the hope of helping others. She wishes to remain anonymous for safety reasons. Readers are warned of confronting subject matter…
FLEEING across the border to Gawler, a frightened Angel* moved her four young children to safety.
In April 2018, her husband was served with a family violence order by a Victorian Magistrates Court for throwing a laptop and TV remote at Angel and for chasing her down to the police station when she went to give a statement.
“I was lucky at the time that the police officer in the small country town that I lived was also previously a DV police officer and also a personal friend,” Angel said.
“She said ‘now you’ve been here, this is step one. You have been brave enough to come and tell me your story, now I have to take it further’.”
The family violence order still allowed Angel’s husband to live under the same roof as her and the children on the premise the family violence stopped.
“In the final 12 months of living in that house, he stood with cigarette lighters under my children’s faces attempting to burn them, and he would stand over the children and push them,” Angel said.
“He is quite a big man – when I left he weighed around 150kg – so, when you’ve got small children and this man at almost 6ft he is a big person to come up against.
“In a week he had attempted to run me over, choked me, did numerous other physical things to us, threatened to knock my son’s block off and my then 12-year-old son would stand between Dad and Mum on a regular basis.
“By that stage my friend the police officer watched us go through numerous cases and she said to me ‘just say the word and I will arrest him’.
“But it’s so hard when you are scared s**tless, they tell you ‘you’re worthless’ and ‘nobody wants you’ – what are you going to do?”
Angel said when her children were younger she tried to leave her abusive husband three times.
“I can understand why so many women go back because you don’t know where to go, who to ask and you have to do it on your own,” she said.
“These men are very convincing in telling you that you can’t do it alone, you’re no good and it’s hard getting out of that mindset when they tell you you are ‘worthless’.”
Leaving a DV relationship in a small town “isn’t as straight forward as we would like to think”, according to Angel.
“When it came time to leave the police officer in town had changed, and he was also a personal friend of my husband,” she said.
“So, I went to the police station in the next town because I was scared.
“I told my husband I was taking my son to a sporting event, but instead I went to the station and saw a lovely female police officer and she just looked at me and she said, ‘when I process this I want you on your way out of the state. The only way I can protect you is if you are not around’.
“My parents live in Gawler, so we waited there for weeks for the family violence order to be served.
“To delay it, my husband admitted himself into a psychiatric unit across the border because then he couldn’t have the order served.
“He sat there and rang me every day and left abusive messages every five to 10
minutes.”
After the order was finally served, Angel and her family attempted to return to normal life, going back to work and school.
“In the three months we remained in the small country town 16 breeches happened of that family violence order, including him turning up at school numerous times… and him sending people into my work to intimidate me,” she said.
“This went on and on and on before we returned to court.
“A senior police officer then said ‘I will give you some top advice, get the hell out, go across the border and don’t come back. You live in a small town and the callout on a weekend or when your local police officers aren’t around can be 45min to an hour. We cannot guarantee your safety, you will be dead’.”
Angel’s husband was given an 18-month correctional services order instead of jail time, meaning he could still live in the community and was only required to check-in with police and correctional services twice a week.
“When he isn’t checking in, he can be wherever he likes,” Angel said.
“When he didn’t know how to obey the family violence order that was it, I knew we had to get out.
“I had a 10-minute head start from the moment I got released from court to race home and pack what I could which included the dog, the cat and the
kids, then I went to a friend’s house he didn’t know that well and didn’t know where she lived.
“From there we went to Gawler and haven’t been back since.”
Despite the struggles associated with leaving, Angel said she had managed to find a new home, job and life for her and her children here.
“I know, it’s really, really hard to leave,” she said.
“But I’m hoping that by me speaking out, one person might realise you can get out, and please do get out because it is so much better on the other side.”
*Name has been changed
If you or someone you know is suffering domestic violence, help is just a phone call away on the Domestic Violence Crisis Line: 1800 800 098, 1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732, or Lifeline: 13 11 14. Men who need help can contact the new Men’s Referral Service: 1300 766 491 In an emergency situation dial 000.
